


And Your Little Dog Too

by nahco3



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-29
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 05:45:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahco3/pseuds/nahco3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sergio Ramos's dog gets Jose's dog pregnant. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Your Little Dog Too

**Author's Note:**

> this was written back when Jose was still at Inter.

12 August 2008  
St. Roch Spa  
Interlaken, Switzerland

Mr. Mourinho,

I am pleased to inform you that Leya has been enjoying her visit to St. Roch’s very much. We have recently put her on an all-organic, gluten-free vegetarian diet, and her coat has never looked sleeker! She especially likes to receive massages from Franz, our licensed tactile therapist, and to walk along the shores of the private lake with Odie, who has become her close friend.

Your bill of € 2.100 will be due upon check out. Thank you for choosing St. Roch’s Spa, and I hope that Leya will come and stay with us again soon.

Yours sincerely,

Heidi Billeter

 

14 August 2008  
St. Roch Spa  
Interlaken, Switzerland

Mr. Ramos,

I am pleased to inform you that Odie has been enjoying his visit to St. Roch’s very much. We have recently put him on an all-organic, gluten-free vegetarian diet, and his coat has never looked sleeker! He especially likes to receive massages from Franz, our licensed tactile therapist, and to walk along the shores of the private lake with Leya, who has become his close friend.

Your bill of € 3.400 will be due upon check out. Thank you for choosing St. Roch’s Spa, and I hope that Odie will come and stay with us again soon.

Yours sincerely,

Heidi Billeter

P.S. Mr. José Mourinho, the human companion of one of our guests, wishes to contact you. I informed him we cannot release personal information about our clients, but I promised him I pass along his request. Please contact him at your soonest convenience.

 

Message sent: 23 August 2008  
From: jmourinho@inter.it  
To: lfigo@hotmail.com  
Subject: Sergio Ramos

Figo,  
As I told you earlier today, your former teammate Sergio Ramos’ dog has impregnated my dog. I am less than pleased. I would like Mr. Ramos’ contact information so that we can discuss this matter. When you speak to him, also please remind him I still know people in Russia, and it might be advisable for him (and his dog) to stop eating sushi.

Cordially,  
José Mourinho

 

Message sent: 24 August 2008  
From: lfigo@hotmail.com  
To: rgonzalez@realmadrid.es  
Subject: Sergio

Raul,  
If you see Sergio at training, tell him to watch out. Mourinho is angry with him, for reasons I have trouble understanding, or possibly ignored. But should a transfer offer from Inter (or Chelsea) come up, tell him to watch out. I’d hate for something to happen to him.

I hope you and the kids are well. Tell Mamen if she comes to Milan, Helen wants to see her.

Luis

 

Message sent: 10 September 2008  
From: zibrahimovic@inter.it  
To: anesta@acmilan.it  
Subject: your mom

Mourinho wants to know Sergio Ramos’ email. I told him I didn’t know, but maybe you do, since you, him and Pippo all probably belong to some sort of horrible hair product exchange club. So tell me.

How did you like your chocolates?

Z

 

Message sent: 13 September 2008  
From: anesta@acmilan.it  
To: zibrahimovic@inter.it  
Subject: your ceaseless immaturity

I have no idea, but since I am a decent person, I asked around and Zambrotta thinks he can get the address for you. Your thanks are not required.

Unfortunately for you, Pato ate my chocolates before I had a chance to. He (and our nutritionists) were not pleased. I know you’ve taken one header too many but really, laxatives? Are you seven?

A. Nesta

 

Message sent: 21 September 2008  
From: thenry@gmail.com  
To: fransexy4@gmail.com  
Subject: Sergio Ramos’ email?

Cesc,  
I hope everything’s going well in London. Please say hello to Arsene and all the boys.

I recently got an email from Zambrotta, who wanted to know Sergio’s email. Apparently José Mourinho wants to know Sergio Ramos’ email address, so he asked Zlatan Ibrahimović , who for some reason asked Alessandro Nesta, who asked Zambrotta, who asked me. Something to do with Sergio’s dog? Anyway, if you have it, please send it to him, his email is jmourinho@inter.it. (I’m a bit worried about giving you that email. Please don’t send him anything you wouldn’t send your mother.)

(Unless, of course, you use a false address.)

Leo sends his best.

Thierry Henry

 

Message sent: 22 September 2008  
From: russianboifriend@gmail.com  
To: jmourinho@inter.it  
Subject: <3 <3 <3 <3

I love you madly. I’ll never forget our nights together onboard my giant yacht. Too bad it was compensating for something.

Yours forever, Roman

Arsenal rocks.

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:10:06

Sergio have u heard mourinho wants 2 talk 2 u

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 21:11:51

Yes figo told raul who told me y

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:12:09

B/c zlatan asked nesta 2 ask zambrotta 2 ask titi 2 ask me 2 tell you to call him. Ur dog got his dog preggers

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 21:23:11

I kno.

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:24:25

So call him. I have his # and his email

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Raoms  
Received: 21:25:26

No odie doesnt want that it was just a fling

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:25:59

It is a dog

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 21:26:30

I hate u

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:42:45

Sry

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:53:12

Sergio, i said sry. Don’t b mad

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 21:58:06

Im not mad. Just dont tell ne1 u talked to me

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 21:59:42

Y??

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 22:00:37

He scares me

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 22:02:35

Who?

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 22:03:23

Mourinho

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 22:05:04

Y?

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 22:06:21

I think hes mad @ odie

 

SMS  
From: Cesc Fabregas  
Received: 22:07:45

Ok I wont tell, dont wry.

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 21:09:16

thanks

 

Message sent: 09 October 2008  
From: jmourinho@inter.it  
To: futbolestrella444@hotmail.com  
Subject: Leya’s puppies

Mr. Ramos,  
Your teammate Cesc Fabregas gave me your email address. I am quite upset you have not contacted me before now.

As I am sure you are by this point aware, my dog gave birth yesterday to five puppies. Their father is believed to be your dog, Odie.

I love my dog, and my children and my dog like the puppies very much. But I am not so sure about this. It is like managing a team. You love your team, it is a very good team. But then you are fired from your team and someone else is the manager. At first, you are very angry, at your team and at the new manager, but you pretend not to be in interviews. Then they go to the Champion’s League final and you are not sure if you want them to lose or win. Then they lose on penalties, and you are sad.

I have not attached pictures of the puppies. Do not try to come and see them.

José Mourinho

 

SMS  
From: Sergio Ramos  
Received: 10:22:08

Y did u tell him?????

 

Message sent: 11 October 2008  
From: fransexy4@gmail.com  
To: jmourinho@inter.it  
Subject: sergio

I can’t believe you told him.

Can I have a puppy please?

Cesc


End file.
